Forums @ Prydwen.net

1. OPENING JARS
she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON'
Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE
Beckham free kicks - camp.
A REAL tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE
Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.

5. GOING TO THE TIP
A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6. DRINKING UP
Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD
in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A SCAR
Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE
When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night" Grr, what does it look like.

10. NODDING AT COPPERS
A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11. USING POWER TOOLS
slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR
Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you.
It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT
fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

15. CARVING THE ROAST
and saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16. WINKING
turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS
ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18. TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT
okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE
unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

20. PARALLEL PARKING
bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT
Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU
especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH
"a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"

24. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO
a visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized shite.

25. CALLING YOUR MATE A C*NT
and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate, I missed you while you were in hospital".

It is good to be a woman:

01. We got off the Titanic first.
02. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.
03. Taxis stop for us.
04. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
05. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
06. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
07. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
08. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her rear end.
09. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway

Satyn wrote:04. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

I take umbridge at this comment.. as i really dont give a monkeys left one.. and yes I am the blender frog.. yes i am the guy thats on the dance floor as the dry ice settles.. yes i have been that man with the white trousers and black shirt , red tie and shiney shoes to match.. lol
I fully enjoyed every minute of it..

Norcott wrote:I take umbridge at this comment.. as i really dont give a monkeys left one.. and yes I am the blender frog.. yes i am the guy thats on the dance floor as the dry ice settles.. yes i have been that man with the white trousers and black shirt , red tie and shiney shoes to match.. lol
I fully enjoyed every minute of it..

OMG

It is good to be a woman:

01. We got off the Titanic first. - that's becuase a man let you .
02. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses. - of course if i man asks for more detail he will be labeled a Perv.
03. Taxis stop for us. - Cuz yur hot
04. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. - Some men can dance , some women can dance , Drunken Dancing RUlez!!!!!1one!!!!1!eleven!!!

05. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo. - was desgined by a woman.

06. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves. - If you tried it , it IS funneh.

07. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. - but at least if we forget to shave for 1 day we don't loook like something from a swamp.

08. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her rear end. - and all men wish you would :knockout:
09. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. - Hey if it's itchy , it's gona get scratched.

10. We have the ability to dress ourselves. - Men dress for comfort , Women dress for style.

11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. - So can men , just make sure it's a 2 second Convo though
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot. - so are the men , still having someone younger than you keeping you warm at night is always good =).

13. We will never regret piercing our ears. - Meh ....
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. - If you trying to distract a group of women it sure does work .

15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway - That's becuase we are considering the price hike in the housing Market , coupled with the increesing in flation and how we are gona provide for our family/partner ... ok i lied , it's about Beer/sport/who's hotter.



All comments are made in a Comical sences and not ment as a go at Satyn , Just about the statments in general

:lol:

1. OPENING JARS
she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

Thats cause we got small hands

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON'
Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

It only makes you look old

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE
Beckham free kicks - camp.
A REAL tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

Beckham = gay

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE
Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.

Thats cos you're to lazy to get off your arse and go get a real sharpener.

5. GOING TO THE TIP
A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

got no idea what this means

6. DRINKING UP
Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.

no, you're just showing off

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD
in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

I'm reading this with two meanings

8. HAVING A SCAR
Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

Lies, men cant stand pain as well as women. Try giving birth!

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE
When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night" Grr, what does it look like.

And thats a good thing?

10. NODDING AT COPPERS
A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

And?

11. USING POWER TOOLS
slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

Ok i got to give you this one.

12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR
Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

Like I said, I really think he's gay.

13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you.
It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

Wont they cheer at women aswell then?

14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT
fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

lol

15. CARVING THE ROAST
and saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

Thats just sad

16. WINKING
turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

No

17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS
ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

huh

18. TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT
okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

Sad ...

19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE
unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

Cheapo

20. PARALLEL PARKING
bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

showing off

21. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT
Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

Any excuse is good to drink

22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU
especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

yeah right

23. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH
"a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"

24. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO
a visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized shite.

25. CALLING YOUR MATE A C*NT
and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate, I missed you while you were in hospital".

Men are to the point you said?

One thing to say :moley: is better than all you stereotypical dregs of society /flex

:moley: