The new age...

Cyfr · Post by **Cyfr** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 9:28 pm

It's 2009, twelve years of lies and misguidence have come to an end as a dreary man walks defeated along the road to the jet black gates where he looks around for the final time, recalling distant memories of glory, optimism and overwhleming success which he basked in during the inital days.

His own inspiring confidence had turned out to be the greatest downfall in his career. His supporters disallusioned with their own success, to a point where they lost their unity and willingness to belive assertion. They lost the very thing that made them, the very thing that gave them the advantage.

Moments later, a young, energetic, confident fellow enters the gates and greets an eager press with a gigantic smile. He vows to fight with the sword of truth and trusty shield of British fair play, to end the years of misguidence and manipulation of truth..

Post by **Lieva** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 7:04 am

neeeeeeeeever gonna happen

Satyn · Post by **Satyn** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 8:47 am

hehe he's back (xest keep your warning hands ready!) j/k

Haarewin · Post by **Haarewin** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:05 pm

Banana wrote:neeeeeeeeever gonna happen

i think it will. loads of people are sick of blair and labour, and lib dems will never get into power.

Post by **Xest** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:41 pm

Haarewin wrote:i think it will. loads of people are sick of blair and labour, and lib dems will never get into power.

I think it depends on how labour turns out after Blair goes. The conservatives still have an image of selfishness that they don't do themselves any favours to shake off a lot of the time. That said I'm personally no big fan of Labour handing out cash earned by those of us who work hard to the scum of the country who are always high on drugs, have kids at 12 and commit crimes on minutely basis.

Takitothemacs · Post by **Takitothemacs** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 2:00 pm

Xest wrote:I think it depends on how labour turns out after Blair goes. The conservatives still have an image of selfishness that they don't do themselves any favours to shake off a lot of the time. That said I'm personally no big fan of Labour handing out cash earned by those of us who work hard to the scum of the country who are always high on drugs, have kids at 12 and commit crimes on minutely basis.

Personally I believe that they are all as bad as each other... they lie and make false promisses to get voted in then forget all they promissed...... but thats my opinion.

Post by **Xest** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 2:41 pm

Takitothemacs wrote:Personally I believe that they are all as bad as each other... they lie and make false promisses to get voted in then forget all they promissed...... but thats my opinion.

Well you have to accept that 80% of their policies are complete crap, but you have to vote based on the ones that likely will get followed through, for example you know the Lib Dems wouldn't go to war in situations whereas Labour would. That's not to say Lib Dems are a good party they're not, they're completely unrealistic (saying things like they can improve the NHS and completely drop tuition fees without raising taxes or other costs - yeah right, good luck with that).

Kallima · Post by **Kallima** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 2:45 pm

Xest wrote:and commit crimes on minutely basis.

Does that mean they commit very small crimes, like stealing single match sticks, or should it be minute by minute?

Kallima · Post by **Kallima** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 2:53 pm

Alright, I admit I been reading jokes out of Christmas crackers and my brain has gone nuts, but I liked the idea of very small crimes.

Takitothemacs · Post by **Takitothemacs** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:14 pm

Xest wrote:Well you have to accept that 80% of their policies are complete crap, but you have to vote based on the ones that likely will get followed through, for example you know the Lib Dems wouldn't go to war in situations whereas Labour would. That's not to say Lib Dems are a good party they're not, they're completely unrealistic (saying things like they can improve the NHS and completely drop tuition fees without raising taxes or other costs - yeah right, good luck with that).

I do accept that... 80%+ of their policies are crap... which is why I use my right not to vote. Its not about my own apathy either... just I CBA to vote for anyone who builds a campaign on 80% crap

Either way we all get taxed to the hilt... Tax on what we earn, tax on anything that we save, tax on our purchases (80% tax on petrol or whatever it is atm), road tax, congestion charge (a tax for londoners which will spread over the coming years), tax on food, tax on clothing... and in the event that you manage to put aside a few quid for your dependants they get taxed on anything you leave behind... they tax you while you live and have even worked out a way to tax you when you are dead... Also go along about the health service, the influx of assylum seekers, the floods of scrounging bastards that my hard earned money which is then taken off me at a rate of knots goes towards feeding... people have asked me if I have any kids... I dont have any biological kids but I tell you without a shadow of a doubt Im feeding more than my fair share of other peoples brats who they sustain via the welfare state... and I cant get an NHS dentist?...

heres one for you all:

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE PC BRITISH VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

Britons are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The BBC, interrupting a Jamaican cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome"

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share". In response to polls, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the government repossesses his home. The ant moves to Spain, and starts a successful wine-exporting company.

A Panorama special later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

Inadequate government funding is blamed, Trevor Phillips is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10,000,000.

The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Daily Mirror blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity.

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana plantation and terrorise the community.

THE END