Mr T!

[Craft]

Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.

The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.

Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.

When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.

Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.

Mr. T wasn't born, he shed a woman.

Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T recently went on fear factor. Not as a guest, but as an obstacle. Apparently the contestents had to stare at Mr. T's bling for at least 1 second. The show was cancelled to to lack of participation.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

Mr. T once stared at a woman for three seconds. She instantly became pregnant.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

In Rocky III, there is a scene where Mr. T invites Adrian, played by Talia Shire, to come over to his apartment "to see what a real man is like". This scene had to be shot an astounding 137 times due to the fact that Shire kept repeatedly tearing her clothes off, jumping on Mr. T, and begging for "the chocolate sauce".

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.

Contrary to popular belief, the ancient world knew of 5 elements, not 4. They were earth, air, fire, water and pity. Mr. T invented them all.

If you were born before 1980, there is a good chance that Mr. T is your father. If you were born after, it's guaranteed.