Jokes

[Kesxex]

What's the difference between a puppy and a DAOC player?
Eventually the puppy stops whining.

:lemony:

[Ankh Morpork]

Whats easiest to get up on the back of a truck: a football or a baby?
The Baby - cos you can use pitchfork to pick it up

/Ankh

[Jupiler]

King Arthur was going on a quest and asked Merlin to make a chastity belt for his wife while he was gone. Before Arthur left he went to see Merlin and the invention. The belt was perfect, made of steel and copper with gold platting except for one problem a huge hole in the obvious place. "Egad! this won't work" Yells Arthur. "Wait." says Merlin. He then jams his old wand into the hole and a blade comes down chopping the wand in half. "Good job Merlin. Please put it on the Queen before I go." Said Arthur and he set off on his quest. He was gone for 4 years and when he returned he called all his Knights out into the courtyard and asks them to drop their pants and as he expected all of them had dammage done to their penis. All except one that is named Henry. King Arthur called on Henry saying "You are my one true knight. Name anything in my kingdom and it is yours!" But alas young henry had no tongue to speak with.

[Satyn]

King Arthur was going on a quest and asked Merlin to make a chastity belt for his wife while he was gone. Before Arthur left he went to see Merlin and the invention. The belt was perfect, made of steel and copper with gold platting except for one problem a huge hole in the obvious place. "Egad! this won't work" Yells Arthur. "Wait." says Merlin. He then jams his old wand into the hole and a blade comes down chopping the wand in half. "Good job Merlin. Please put it on the Queen before I go." Said Arthur and he set off on his quest. He was gone for 4 years and when he returned he called all his Knights out into the courtyard and asks them to drop their pants and as he expected all of them had dammage done to their penis. All except one that is named Henry. King Arthur called on Henry saying "You are my one true knight. Name anything in my kingdom and it is yours!" But alas young henry had no tongue to speak with.

haha excellent

[Jupiler]

this one is okay

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note : romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstorm and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the note :

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love"

"PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

[pikeh]

Do i need to post it again?

A man was walking down the street and he saw a guy laying on the floor kissing a shrimp. He said "you alright mate?" and the guy replied "i think ive pulled a muscle"


and a funny one from a random joke site..

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"