come to think of it

Satyn · Post by **Satyn** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 12:04 pm

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Can you cry under water?

Ankh Morpork · Post by **Ankh Morpork** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 12:06 pm

I think that was moley and tbh - it was a bull.

/Ankh

Satyn · Post by **Satyn** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 6:38 pm

HORROR FILM WISDOM:

1. When it seems that you've killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
2. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion or who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.
3. Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak using a voice other than their own, shoot them at once. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note: it's unlikely they'll die easy, so be prepared.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, never go alone.
6. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
7. If you're running from the monster, you will most likely trip or fall. If you are female you will.
8. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine, especially if it is called Derry.
9. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
10. hen something bad is chasing you, bear in mind that when you try to start your car, no matter how reliable the vehicle is normally, you'll have to crank the engine over many times before it will fire up.
11. People arriving to rescue you generally get ambushed by the monster, so don't rely on them as your only means of escape. In fact, expect to be surprised and delayed by encountering their flayed corpse at some point.
12. Do not call the police as they are either evil and will turn you in or will not believe you and laugh at you. Either way, you must handle the problem yourself.
13. If you are using a gun to combat the all-comsuming evil, it is a good idea to quickly find a new means of defense, because no matter how much ammo you have, you'll run out just before you kill the monster (unless your name is Ash, in which case, you'll never have to reload).
14. If you have defeated the monster, pay close attention to the camera, if it pans away for no apparent reason at all, get the heck out of there.
15. Skeptics are always proved wrong in some horrible, nasty, painful way. Be a believer.
16. If you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack overly horny teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in a movie, only possessed or absorbed. So cheer up!
17. If you've beaten the monster into a bloody pulp and you're sure he must be dead, take the opportunity to dismember, burn, eat, blow up or otherwise utterly destroy him.

Treeeebeard · Post by **Treeeebeard** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 10:04 pm

Satyn wrote: 13. If you are using a gun to combat the all-comsuming evil, it is a good idea to quickly find a new means of defense, because no matter how much ammo you have, you'll run out just before you kill the monster (unless your name is Ash, in which case, you'll never have to reload).

Yay!

Satyn wrote:16. If you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack overly horny teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in a movie, only possessed or absorbed. So cheer up!

Owww

Belisar · Post by **Belisar** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 11:21 pm

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

First-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"
Harry answered,"I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had now had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would
give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What do you have in your pants that I do not have in mine?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question?
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut"
Ms. Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Shake hands"
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong."

Gamblor · Post by **Gamblor** » Thu Jul 28, 2005 3:01 pm

Well see attached file for my responce ;P

Moley:) · Post by **Moley:)** » Thu Jul 28, 2005 4:05 pm

Ankh Morpork wrote:I think that was moley and tbh - it was a bull.

/Ankh

:wank: ..........

Adianna · Post by **Adianna** » Thu Jul 28, 2005 5:11 pm

Satyn wrote:Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one)

Hmm... spelled reverse it means Goblin... besides that I don't know?

Ankh Morpork · Post by **Ankh Morpork** » Thu Jul 28, 2005 5:15 pm

Satyn wrote:H
16. If you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack overly horny teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in a movie, only possessed or absorbed. So cheer up!

Not all true, in asian horror movies they die just as often as grown ups

/Ankh

Bugzy · Post by **Bugzy** » Thu Jul 28, 2005 5:26 pm

Ankh Morpork wrote:Not all true, in asian horror movies they die just as often as grown ups

/Ankh

Ankh that was an erotic horror film, sommet totally different.